L x Light: Light vs Kira The internal struggle
by katerinaaqu
Summary: L depressed is out in the rain and Light goes there to see him. What happens and why has Light difficulty to kill him? WARNING: Contains female Light and male Misa! Enjoy!


She was walking alone in the building's hallways. She had nothing specific to do while waiting for more information…

_"Great! Everything is going just as I planned! Rem has no other choice but to write Ryuzaki's name in her notebook! Great! Rem and Ryuzaki will die! At the same time they will die! I can barely hold my laughter! Ryuzaki will…"_

Suddenly she stopped. For some reason it hurt her in a point to think that L, Ryuzaki would die…just like that! She would never hear his voice again neither see his dull, black eyes examining her from top to bottom neither have him suspecting her, challenging her, making her blood boil in enthusiasm in her veins when a new challenge came from him! She immediately shook those thoughts away!

_"L is an enemy! He is the one standing in my way! He will stop me from creating the perfect world! This will never happen as long as he's alive! I'll have to kill him! No! Rem will do the job for me! And then Misa will be totally mine! That idiot trusts me with his life!"_

She looked outside the window. It was raining! Heavy rain was almost blocking her eyesight for outside. But where was Ryuzaki anyway? He was nowhere around. She had searched almost every place she could think of. Ryuzaki was always quiet and stuff but this day specifically he was stranger…well…than usual. Light Yagami had learnt when Ryuzaki was actually really skeptical. She could read him the way he could read her! They seemed the only ones in the world that could understand each other's way of thinking! She stopped walking to look outside again with her honey, almond-shaped eyes. Her chocolate hair was framing her face as always. She could see her reflection on the glass. Where was Ryuzaki? She had looked everywhere except… She looked upwards a little and then continued to walk in the hallways.

* * *

The heavy rain was hitting everything mercilessly like liquid whips. Everything seemed to be painted in gray that day. The rain's noise was so loud that you could barely hear your thoughts. At the top of this skyscraper the wind was also howling taking the strong drops with it. Light reached the exit towards the roof and then she saw him…Ryuzaki's slim silhouette in the rain. He was looking straight towards the crying sky. He was shocking wet and his plain clothes were stuck against his body however he was doing absolutely nothing to protect himself from the downpour. He seemed lost in his own world. Then he lightly turned his eyes. He saw her with the corner of his eyes.

"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?" she asked him.

He brought his palm behind his ear! He hadn't heard her! The rain was drowning her voice.

"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?" she repeated louder.

He again smiled one of his silly smiles and repeated his previous action. He hadn't heard her again or he was just playing with her. She opened her mouth to yell again but she regretted it. She got out in the rain as well coming closer to him.

"What are you doing Ryuzaki, anyway?" she asked him.

"Oh…I'm not doing anything in particular. I was just…hearing the bell…" he answered as if he was lost.

She looked around. The bell? What was he talking about?

"The bell?"

"Yes…" he said in a melancholic tone

She looked around again.

"I can't hear anything!"

"Really? You can't hear them?" he questioned as if it was the most unusual thing in the world.

She couldn't get where he was leading the conversation! However the bells were leading her thoughts to…death! For some reason she didn't want to discuss this!

"Come on! Let's get inside" she said.

Ryuzaki bent his head down.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled, "Nothing I say makes any sense anyway"

She smiled without being able to stop herself.

"Yeah! You're right!" she said trying to be a bit comical.

Ryuzaki was still looking away from her his totally wet, black locks were sticking against his face. Then he turned to her and said.

"Tell me, Light from the day you were born was there ever been a moment that you actually told the truth?"

Everything went silent for Light Yagami. These last words he had spoken had hit her like a fist in the stomach. Her eyes got lost in his. She hadn't expected him to say that…moreover it was making her feel a bit…guilty!

"What…what are you talking about? I admit that I'm not perfect like everyone else in this world. Sometimes it is impossible to tell the whole truth to someone however when I am saying something non-truth to someone I take care not to hurt his or hers feelings…" she replied.

This wasn't a complete lie. She was doing this all the time. To be absolutely honest…right now she wasn't sure what was a lie and what was the truth anymore!

Ryuzaki didn't reacted…as usually.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that" he finally said.

Light sighed. She didn't know what to tell him to cheer him up a little. She was surprised with herself that she even thought to cheer him up! But he was…he seemed so sad…

"Let's get inside…I'm getting cold…" she said.

"Okay…" he replied slowly

* * *

Soon they were both inside dripping water from top to bottom. Light was sitting on the stairs wiping her long, chocolate hair with a towel. Her cold, wet clothes stuck against her body. The rain had stopped and the weak sunlight was giving a grayish-blue light in the skyscraper's hallway. Ryuzaki came closer, his head also covered in a towel.

"Light…you have gone totally wet…" he mumbled.

Light was feeling ready to laugh.

"All thanks to you!" she said, "What were you expecting with all that rain?"

"You're right…I'm sorry…" he mumbled again.

Light was still drying her long hair when she felt someone touching her bare foot.

"What are you doing Ryuzaki?" she questioned him seeing him holding her foot up.

"Oh…I wanted to help you…you were busy wiping yourself…after all…your feet are frozen…"

"I…it's fine. You don't have to do this!" she said.

"I can warm you…and give you a massage as well" he insisted.

She gave up.

"Fine. Do as you please."

"Alright…"

He lifted her foot and he bent down…and then he blew some warm air on it. Light was taken aback by this but she left him warm her frozen fingers. She hated to admit that but…she liked this feeling. Ryuzaki took hold of her foot and…squeezed it suddenly. She hissed a little.

"Hay!.." she started to protest.

"You'll get used to it…" he murmured.

Light then noticed he had stopped moving completely. His head was bent down. Some drops dripped on her foot coming from his wet hair. It was water…but…she was feeling that…they were tears! She felt a hand clenching her heart again. She couldn't bear that! She grabbed the towel and wiped his face a little in a soft manner.

"Here…you're still shocked…" she whispered to him softly.

He looked up and then down again.

"I'm sorry…" his voice was just above a whisper.

Light looked at him as he started massaging her foot softly again. He looked so sad…so lonely…so…so broken! Her hand, without being able to stop it, moved towards his face and cupped her cheek softly. Ryuzaki raised his head a little and their eyes met again. Hazel lost in black… Ryuzaki placed his hand over hers without saying anything. Light smiled softly to him as if she was smiling to a sad, little child that had just fallen in its first attempt to walk. Ryuzaki's hand moved from where it was, to her face cupping her cheek as well. His hand was so soft and warm…she liked the feeling of it on her face…Ryuzaki left her foot and stood better on his knees never leaving her eyes. The soft sunlight was caressing their faces like the ray of hope after a deathly battle…like the first light after an eternal darkness… It was like a strange power was driving them closer. He leaned up and she leaned down and then it was where their lips met in a soft and loving kiss. Her eyes closed in delight and her hand moved to cup his other cheek as well massaging his cheeks with her thumbs. Ryuzaki buried his free hand in he hair kissing her back. Their lips were moving harmonically with each other in a strange dance that both of the dancers wanted to have the biggest role. It was a battle…a soft and peaceful battle. She could taste the sweet taste of his soft and warm lips…she could feel his sugar-flavored breath in her mouth. For the first time in her life she actually felt complete. For the first time in many years she actually felt…truly honest and free! The kiss finished by the irritating need for oxygen. They pulled back and immediately all that bliss and completeness was gone. Just like that…it was gone…as if it never happened. They looked at each other and both of them, their eyes widen in shock! Both were totally speechless with their actions! They never saw that coming!

"Uh…you need to change… You can go to the bathrooms to dry yourself…" finally he broke the awkward silence.

"Uh…yes!" she said and left.

* * *

She was walking in silence. She didn't say a word. She reached the end of the hallway where the bathrooms were…one door for the male bathrooms and one for the female. By the way she reached the bathrooms Misa was coming out the male bathroom.

"Ah! Light! What happened?"

She ignored him and kept walking

"Light? Light!"

However she had closed the door behind her already! She locked the door and walked till the sinks. She rested her hands on the bench…she was reflected in the mirror in front of her however she had her head down. She was feeling as if ready to collapse! Ryuk, the Shinigami that was always following her chuckled as usual.

"Wow…that kiss was unexpected! I guess he didn't see that coming!"

She ignored him! She was panting heavily looking in the mirror. For the first time in her life she was…that panicked…that shocked with herself…Ryuk chuckled again.

"Well…judging from your expression…you didn't expect that either…"

Again silence…Ryuk laughed.

"Hehehe…well what do you know! It appears you've fallen for him…Light!"

For the first time in her life…she wanted just to open the Earth to swallow her!

"_He…kissed me!…No! I let him do it!…I kissed him!"_

She looked at her empty hand and then…

"AAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!" she screamed grabbing her head with both hands, with her fingers sank in her hair.

Ryuk looked at her with a curious expression.

"How could I let that happen!" she yelled, "How could I let him do this! How could I let myself sink in the weaknesses of a human! He is L! He is my enemy! Why him of all the people! Why! WHY!" she screamed slamming her fist on the wall.

Ryuk was looking at her. He had never seen her this way before! Not even when Ryuzaki told her that he was L had she acted this way! Right now she was out of control! Light leaned against the wall panting.

_"I am Kira! I am the justice of this world…I am going to create a perfect world…a world that everyone ever dreamed of…I am the goddess of this new world…I'm gonna rule over the perfect world for many years…I am Kira…I am the one that will set people free from criminals…L is my enemy…L is the one who is standing against Kira…he is the one who will stop the creation of the perfect world…"_

Her eyes were burning. Her body seemed ready to collapse.

"No! This is not me!" she screamed leaning even further against the wall, "This is Light Yagami thinking! This is the weak heart of the human speaking! This is not me! This is not Kira!"

She clenched the wall as if she wanted to break it with her fingers. Tears were now forming deep in her eyes and they were threatening to flow.

"_I'm not weak…I'm not weak…Then…why? Why did I…feel this feeling? Why!"_

Her shoulders were shaking. Then she noticed that it wasn't just her shoulders. She was shaking all over! She hugged herself while leaning against the bathroom's wall, at least to stop her shoulders from shaking

_"How did I let him enter my soul this way! …How did I let him enter my heart?!….How did I let him enter my life this way!"_

The image was still in her mind! The kiss…the touches…the words…were still coming again and again repeatedly, haunting her! She brought her hand to her neck. She leaned her head back caressing her neck softly imagining his lips stoking her skin…his warm lips teasing her skin…the lips of the only man in the world that could actually understand the way she was thinking…the only man that could bring her world upside down…the only man able to push her to her limits…the only man that could cause her those feelings…the only man…she could actually…love… She let out a small sigh imagining the scene…picturing it in her mind down to exact detail with her fingers kissing her own neck. Salty and hot tears streamed down her face…she was shaking…really shaking…Ryuk was still watching the scene. He had never seen her in this state before. He could see the struggle that was happening inside her. Her two sides were fighting at the moment.

"I never predicted this outcome!" he commented, "Humans are so interesting! Hehehe…"

She didn't say anything. She had her head down now, her bangs shadowing her eyes.

"Well Light…it appears your plans about killing him will be delayed…"

"No…" he heard her answer.

He turned to look at her surprised by this answer. Light raised her head and her eyes were full with determination and the usual self-esteem.

"Nothing will be delayed! L will die…Soon!"

"Huh?" he looked at her in amusement.

She looked at him deep in eyes and she stood straight once again…like nothing happened a few seconds ago.

"Light Yagami might has fallen in love with Ryuga, Ryuzaki…but…Kira still hates L! L is still Kira's enemy!"

She looked down at her empty hands.

"I'll wrap these hands around his neck if I have to but…"

She clenched her two fists

"…I will eliminate him!"

Ryuk looked at her with his smile full with excitement and amusement! She was the 'goddess' once again! She would entertain him! Light was looking straight forward now…ready to get rid of her greatest enemy. Then…what was that flowing down her face again? It was warm and liquid… It was…

Tears…

* * *

**Here is a small romance set during episode 25 Silance of Death Note!**

**I wanted a female Light Yagami so I could make the character a bit more...emotional! It was a rather random and crazy idea! Also Misa is a man:)**

**Well here it is for all Light x L fans! I hope you liked it! Please review!**

**Enjoy!**


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